Bullseye! You got me, Target. February 22, 2016

I’ve known for awhile that one store truly has my heart more than any other. This iconic American retailer has my loyalty, my time and my money. As if my weekly, sometimes bi-weekly pilgrimages weren’t evidence enough of my dedication to shopping at this store, my children have preferences for which location they like best and which cart they prefer to ride in. As a suburban mom in my mid-thirties I can admit I’m likely their “target” customer. Pun intended.

Oh, Target! You have your wily ways of wooing me! You know I can’t stand hauling my brood around that other discount retailer. You know online won’t always cut it, even if they can bring it to my door in a few hours. I might need to try something on, or just generally peruse your shiny aisles. I’ve seen the new displays of home decor. You’re beautiful marketing geniuses and you know it. You know I’ll pay a little more for your collaborations with top designers that otherwise I can only afford on Poshmark or consignment. You also know my peers are likely to meet me at the store with their toddlers in carts for coffee because you went and put Starbucks in your stores! Ruthless, savages!

The other day I was at a stoplight, near one of your stores when my phone buzzed. My RedPerks and Cartwheel apps were alerting me that I was range of store in my city. You follow me Target. You know when I get near, like the mother ship calling me home.

But, what you did last week topped it all. There is no discount on yoga pants or throw pillows that could ever rival the type of happiness you brought last week. Congratulations Target. You now own my soul, too. You cemented my devotion for all eternity. You made our relationship even stronger with this slick move. How?

You brought Gwen Stefani into it.

Gwen-Stefani-This-Is-What-The-Truth-Feels-Like-target-album-cover-edition-426x426

I mean, Gwen was kind of part of my Target life a few years ago. My baby had some Harajuku Mini clothes. But this was better! Target, you took one of my favorite singers of all time and let her perform her new single in a happy, sparkling live music video during the Grammy’s. “Make Me Like You” is catchy pop perfection and you know it. You had me in front of the TV and on Twitter squealing with other fans like I’m not a sane adult. Costume changes! Roller skating in your shiny bullseye logo! A neon sign reading “Blake’s” in the video, an obvious nod to Blake Shelton. Oh yes, you know how my southern girl demographic loves Blake. It’s like how we love Lilly Pulitzer and we all know what happened when you put that in your stores. Who remembers #PinkSunday?

But Target, the coup de gras for you and me came when you forced me to do something I haven’t done in at least decade. (Wait, when did I get that iPod Mini? 2006? I dunno.) I did something I never thought I’d do again and laughed at my mom and stepdad for doing just this Christmas. I bought a CD.¬†Yes. In 2016, I Amy, bought a CD. I pre-ordered Gwen’s new album “This Is What The Truth Feels Like” from you because you promised me four extra bonus tracks exclusive to Target. I was so excited by your celebrity marketing that I just bought it, not even checking to see if I had bought a digital download or a CD. I don’t even know if there was a digital download. Was there? No idea. Congrats. You got me to buy a CD. I already pre-ordered it on iTunes too, but you know I’ll be dusting off the CD player for those 4 bonus tracks. I think the CD player in my car works. We’ll see March 18, won’t we?

Your job is done, Target. Do you now tattoo the bullseye on my body somewhere? Wait, no. That’s stupid. Unless Gwen says it’s cool, then I’ll do it.

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