Just a Girl, Just a Mom- November 17, 2015
I remember the first time I saw Gwen Stefani perform. It was sometime in my angsty teens in the mid-90’s. I was likely eating a bowl of cereal after school and watching MTV Spring Break. I saw her sing “Just a Girl” in her halter top and rocker jeans and thought, “Who is that?! She is awesome!” Watching many female artists is wildly intimidating when you’re a young teen, but I never felt this way watching her. She was the lead singer of this band of guys and she was SO COOL! She made me feel like I could do anything. If I ever meet her I’ll tell her that. I’ve been a fan for years. I’ll have to ask my sister what we did with that old “Tragic Kingdom” CD. No doubt, it’s in a Discman in a closet at my mom’s house. (“No doubt.” Ha! See what I did there?)
Fast forward decades to me as an adult who listens to Top 40 and Country music in the car. I first spotted Blake Shelton when we had some music award show on TV at some point. I mentioned to my husband how handsome I thought he was. Tall, curly hair. Hot. I listened to him croon and decided he might be on my celebrity “gimme” list. You know, the hypothetical list of celebrities you and your spouse establish that you could hook up with if you ever met them.
Before last year I had never watched “The Voice.” Like much of America I was kind of over singing reality shows after years of voting by phone for the next “American Idol.” Then I saw that Gwen was going to be a coach and I told my husband, “Oh! Gwen Stefani is a coach?! I’ll have to watch. I love her!” He agreed that she is awesome and we watched because of her. I later had a discussion with some girlfriends about how Gwen could totally bring her kids and come hang with us and mom it up. You know. Coffee, strollers…cliche mom stuff. They were like, “Yeah, she’s the best! Totally!” That being said, let’s think for a moment what that might be like. Super cool rock star in leather and her kid…with me in my tennis shoes and unruly toddler. It might look something like this:
Here is where I make a confession. I have a crazy obsession with Gwen and Blake dating. I’m all about it. It’s weird. As an adult I don’t keep up with too much celebrity gossip or tabloid fodder. I have never watched anything with the Kardashians. The last time I read a magazine was when my phone died at the nail salon once. I don’t care if Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are married or whatever. Are they? Wait. Don’t tell me. I don’t care. But, for some reason I REALLY care about Blake and Gwen. You know, “Blen” or “Gwake” or “Shelfani” or whatever they’re being called.
I’ve read some people all like, “What!? They’re dating? That’s weird!” Okay, what’s weird about it? The queen of cool with the hot cowboy, both of whom are coming off highly publicized divorces. Now, they work together on a hit TV show where they giggle and make sexy eyes at each other. That’s awesome! They don’t have to get married. They can just be each other’s hot music industry rebound. More power to them! Plus, think about how brooding and angry Miranda Lambert’s next album is going to be because of all of this. I smell another Grammy!
In all seriousness, I have a problem, ya’ll. I can’t get enough “Blen.” In an extreme moment of idiocy I shared an article from a tabloid on my Facebook page like I have no sense. Yep! I shared the Us Weekly piece about the Stefani/Rossdale split. I may or may not have read wildly sensational articles on websites like E! and Hollywood Life. Please, please do not ever click on the videos on these sites. They are so effing stupid. On top of that, I follow Gwen and Blake on Twitter and Instagram. I’m always reading their tweets and telling them how awesome #TeamBlake and #TeamGwen are on the show, like I don’t have a family/job/responsibilities of my own. I may or may not have ignored my 2-year-old throwing crackers on the ground in the line at Target while I leafed through People Magazine because it promised more on their “Sexy New Romance!”
Monday night my husband laughed at my fan girl ways as I nestled up to the TV promptly at 8:00pm EST to watch the “The Voice” live. My ridiculous swooning over Gwen and Blake’s flirting reached new heights after the whole “Hotline Bling” conversation. I was gushing over how awesome they are and how handsome Blake looked. My husband said, “So he’s at the top of your list now? It’s cool. You could hook up with him if you met him.”
As if nothing else about that statement phased me I said without hesitation, “Oh my God! I would NEVER do that to Gwen!”
I looked a him. I mean, “I would never do that to you. You know, because you’re my husband and I love you.”
Yep. I’m an excellent fan girl and a mediocre wife.