In Stitches- June 20, 2014

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After birthing other humans you understand why women through history always died in childbirth. It’s an exhausting, often brutal and gruesome affair, no doubt. Thankfully, with modern medicine, women today are stitched up good as new and parenting commences.

I have issues with stitches. I think it stems from the time my sister fell off the bed and cut her head on the edge of the dresser when we were kids. She had to have four stitches in her head. I couldn’t even look at them. I had to sit on the other side of her in the car on the way to church the next day so I wouldn’t be near the dark blue stitches. The doctor used blue thread.  She smelled like apple juice after leaving the emergency room. While I was genuinely concerned for her welfare, I couldn’t deal with the little blue knots that tied together the tender flesh of her skull. Let’s not even get in to the stitches my Dad had on his face after multiple sinus surgeries.

One of my biggest fears going in to birth both times was a c-section or episiotomy. Scalpels mean stitches. Skin sewn together. I always smell apple juice when I see them. If you show a Facebook picture of your stitches after your ACL surgery, I will hide you. Period.

Fortunately, I was really lucky and delivered my babies vaginally with no episiotomy. Now, this is the point in this post when I talk about stitches in my lady parts. You’ve been warned.

No one really warned me about tearing. I knew about perineal tears, I guess. I never gave much thought to my perineum in general until it was stitched up. I followed all the doctor’s orders of proper care. I kept those ice pack pads coated in Dermaplast. After Charlotte’s birth I think I was in such a hormonal haze, I just prayed it would all heal properly. After Henry, I dared to see for myself how my most tender flesh was healing.

I looked, ya’ll. I looked! It was late. Jill had warned me not to. It was one of those postpartum nights when I was miserable, sore and exhausted. I gingerly lifted my leg on the counter and held a mirror under me. Stitches! Apple juice! I nearly passed out at the site of this vaginal crime scene.

For the record, I am healed up. Everything is pink and happy. It’s all back to normal down there. So, don’t fret ladies, for those gruesome few weeks, it may seem like your nether regions will be forever wrecked, but thankfully there are stitches. Just don’t look at them, that taint no joke.


What?! You thought I would get through this post without a taint joke? Come on! 


6 Responses to “In Stitches- June 20, 2014”

  1. heather says:

    O.M.G. this is the best post ever. I love your honesty! Stitches never bothered me until I had to watch my dear 3 year old get 12+ stitches (they lost count) in his head after getting hit with a baseball bat. I was 14 weeks pregnant at the time.

    For what it’s worth, I had 3 c-sections and never a single stitch :-) I briefly had staples but they were taken out when I left the hospital. I was sent home with tape holding me together!

    • Amy says:

      Thanks! Staples give me the heebie jeebies too. I looked at my sister’s. Those also make me feel like I’m gonna pass out.

  2. Brandy says:

    Now see after Ollie I looked and was like “well that was not as bad as I was planning!” Maybe my taint standards are low.

  3. Kim Davis says:

    Bahahahaha! After I had Stella, I refused to look down there. I could barely handle washing down there because it felt like mangled meat and I cried saying I’ll never be the same! I have no idea how women get pregnant within 8-12 weeks after delivery after a bad tear.

  4. Today, while I was at work, my sister stole my iphone and tested to see if it can survive a thirty
    foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My
    iPad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is totally off topic but I
    had to share it with someone!

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