Breast Barista

We all know you can order a Butterbeer Latte at Starbucks thanks to the Internet prowess of my sweet friend Diana. We all know life is never as good as it is when Starbucks brings back the PSL in the fall before debuting that season’s holiday offerings in those happy red cups. I could live on Gingerbread Lattes in December.

This year I have been extra tired thanks to my newborn and extra thirsty since he is a voracious eater. Making enough milk to keep up with him means I miss nary a meal nor snack and drink water like a marathoner in the desert. My order of the season has been a Gingerbread Latte and a grande ice water. If I’m being honest, it’s been my order like, everyday. Wanna hang out while I’m on maternity leave? Sure. Meet me at the Starbucks. Pick one. I bet my baby has been there sometime during his five weeks on earth.

One day this week I had polished off a latte after dropping my preschooler off at her school. I went home before another outing to get ready. I was pumping breast milk in the bathroom while fixing my hair. The joy of going somewhere that was not preschool or Starbucks meant I was fixing my hair, dammit! I listened to Christmas music on my phone as the breast pump’s rhythmic sucking seemed to be on beat with Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You.”

I looked in the mirror and noticed the bottle attached to my right breast was getting very full, very fast. No surprise. My right cup runneth over quite frequently. Usually at this point I would stop and empty a little of the milk from the right into the bottle on the left. “Old Lefty” is a slow-flow. Surprisingly, the left was keeping up with the right with every fluid ounce. I had no other bottles upstairs with me. I looked around the bathroom for any appropriate receptacle for breast milk.

I spotted my grande ice water on the counter. Well, it was just water. It would have to do. I poured in the milk and kept pumping. I chuckled at the thought of what the barista would think of this.

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Later that day my observant little preschooler was “nursing” her baby doll. She looked at me and said, “My baby gets chocolate milk from my breast! I get chocolate milk at Starbucks!”



7 Responses to “Breast Barista”

  1. Katie says:

    This made me laugh. More than once, I’ve gotten to work without enough baby bottles to store my milk in and have rinsed out a Coke bottle (which is my nursing beverage must-have) to put milk in. My mom said it was gross to put it in a Coke bottle, but I figured if there DID happen to be any Coke residue in there, it can’t be a big deal because 99% of my milk MUST be Coca Cola.

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