Two Bad Eggs- September 22, 2013


This morning I woke up in need. It was one of those Sundays that called for a crispy Belgian brown wonder, dripping with butter and warm syrup. You know, a waffle kind of morning. I rolled over and asked Greyson as sweetly as I could to be taken out for breakfast. Denied. As our tot bounced between us asking for iPhone videos and saying “I’m hungry!” I thought, “Hmm…I can be an amazing mother and get my waffle fix.”

“I’ll cook!” I announced, feet hitting the floor.

As I warmed up the waffle maker and measured out the mix I thought, “Eggs. We need eggs too.” We had some grocery store brand Egg Beater-like carton eggs. Greyson checked the expiration date. October. Score. I found a smaller carton with a  late August expiration. I cooked them up anyway. Mistake. They looked funny. I tossed them. I cooked the October carton. Eh. Still looked a little off but no biggie. October date. We’re good. I was even short cooking spray and the waffles still cooked perfectly and came off the iron evenly. Greyson said to Charlotte, “Isn’t your Mama great!? It was so nice of her to cook breakfast for us.” I thought with great pride, “It is great of me. I am a good mother!” 

Charlotte has been doing this thing lately where she puts food in her mouth, chews and then decides she no longer likes it and wants to spit it out. This happened after she took a bite of the eggs she begged for. Greyson is very perturbed by this quirk and told her, “No! You will swallow what’s in your mouth!” She cried and protested while keeping the half-masticated eggs in her mouth. Greyson said, “Fine! Time out! You will sit in Time Out until you swallow your eggs!” I thought, “Ugh! I hate doing that, but we need to make sure she’s eating what’s on her plate. We need to teach her that. We’re doing right by her as parents.”

Her wimpers subsided and I scooped some eggs on my plate as well. I took a bite. “Oh God! Ugh! Greyson, have you tried these? Charlotte! You can come out of Time-Out. These are bad.” Greyson said, “Oh, Charlotte! Come here, you can spit them out.”

Our bewildered, sniffling child spit her rancid eggs into the napkin I held to her face. She looked at us with tear-filled, confused eyes. Thankfully she seemed only a bit resentful. We apologized profusely and tried to explain when food tastes “funny” or “bad” she can tell us and spit it out.

Now I’m wondering how often anything will taste “funny.” As if punishing himself, Greyson took a bite too, before spitting them out. We bought the name brand carton eggs today, thinking that $1.50 could save us from further parental failures. Okay, I’m not the fantastic waffle-making mother I’d like to be. Sometimes I’m one bad egg in a pair of imperfect parents.



9 Responses to “Two Bad Eggs- September 22, 2013”

  1. You’re not a bad mama. You’re normal. Poor C, she must have been like, seriously, you guys are crazy – this is awful!! 😉

  2. Oh my my….. this had me cracking up! Poor little Charlotte she was probably all kinds of confused but HEY IT HAPPENS! It’s funny you mentioned she has been doing the whole chewing her food then deciding she doesn’t want it and spitting it out because my own little man as been on that train lately. It is so frustrasting, it’s nice to know I am not the only parent out there fighting the good fight!! haha! Thanks for sharing! ~Leah~

  3. hahahaha. poor charlotte. and yes, all your foodwill be funny now.

  4. Emily says:

    Ha. So funny. Poor little Charlotte, but how were you to know? If it makes you feel better, I did something similar with kids I babysat for a few years ago. I made them mac & cheese for dinner but they didn’t have milk for the cheese sauce so I used what I thought was plain yogurt (would only make it creamier, right?). The kids threw a fit that it didn’t taste like Mom’s, but I made them eat it anyway. Only later did I realize it was VANILLA yogurt. Sick. I felt pretty bad – sweet mac & cheese? Nasty.

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  6. April says:

    This blog made me laugh because I’ve been in similar situations. Mia went through a phase where she was spitting on the ground (something she learned from school I’m assuming). We had a go with her about it and I though we were making progress until one day she opened the front door (which she’s not allowed to do) and went outside and spit on the front porch. I ran over and told her no and took her to time-out while she cried. Later on I went outside to get something and saw a small bit of throw-up where she had spit. Apparently she had up-chucked a little in her mouth and went outside to spit it out. I felt completely awful!

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